So ... I've defined the thoughts and ... the vibes.
Well ... don't get me wrong ... cause i've not necessarily understood the meaning of it ... but writing all down ... as a process of self therapy ... it all changed into better.
Beginning to have ... clarity.
At least ... with Carla.
This damn woman ... which masters the art of awakening into me ... emotions that i didn't know that actually exist.
Doing it ... again and again.
All being ... the show of overflowing ... of the emotional.
Feeling really alive ... but also tortured.
Probably ... the best explanation being that ... the experience itself became a non ending emotional balance.
One ... which unfortunately i've become addicted of.
Of course ... it was silly.
And ... certainly not wise.
But ... this is my life.
This is who i am today.
I keep saying that i feel tortured ... of so, so many emotions ... but on the other hand ... i can't disconnect of what is happening.
Being ... overwhelmed.
Randomly losing the control over myself.
And ... honestly speaking ... becoming insane.
I've started to write my first book at 16 ... but then ... realizing i could not publish it ... i've abandoned the idea of being a ... writer.
20 years later ... i've started to write again ... believing i will finally succeed ... but i've failed one more time ... not getting the success i was chasing for.
Another 5 years later ... i've started one more time to write ... but this time ... more as a therapy.
It's what i've defined as ... self therapy.
I was analyzing and defining lots of weird ideas ... that were a lot related to me ... and my own soul.
I totally forgot that i was chasing for success.
I was simple writing my thoughts ... in essays ... becoming this way ... maybe not a writer .... but what many define as ... an essayist.
This is not a poet ... and not a writer.
Or maybe is kind of a poet that is incapable of writing poetry ... but is still expressing his thoughts ... into a similar way ... as a poet.
And is not a writer ... cause have not the ability to write for too long time ... about the same subject.
But maybe i am not an essayist... either.
I am just an ordinary person ... that could be better defined ... as a thinker.
Analyzing ... and defining my life ... practicing this process called ... self therapy ... i started to understand life ... and the way to better paths which i should follow.
And i've wrote ... and wrote ... and wrote ... realizing one day that i've published tens of books .... not really understanding how the hell I've succeeded doing that.
Today i dare to recommend writing ... as a therapy.
I could even say ... it's a simple way of understanding who we are ... but also a process that could help us ... heal our souls.
I personally continue to ... write.
It's in fact ... a non ending story that ... at least for myself ... will probably continue for the rest of my life.
But over all ... i am glad ... i am doing it.
I continue my philosophical journey ... not being able to define myself for clear as a writer or an essayist... but ...
Well .... most probably... i am on a good path.
And ... i would dare to recommend to everyone ... all what i am doing today.